Midnight Musings: A Personal Journey Through 2023

It’s 10:45 PM on December 31st, 2023, and here I am, sitting in my room in Havelock Island, scribbling down my thoughts. Just outside, the world is alive with music and shouts of joy. The whole Island is ready to welcome the new year. But I’m just lost in the whirlwind of the past 12 months, thinking about how 2023 was a rollercoaster ride for me.

This year was all about understanding what being an adult truly means. I turned 26 this year and will be 27 in Feb’24. I always wondered why my mother and other elders thought the way they did. Now, I guess I understand it a bit. Nonetheless, 2023 was a year filled with adventures, some planned and some unexpected.

I kicked off the year by leaving a job that paid me well. Why? To chase my passion for adventure sports. I had this grand plan to start with skiing and trekking for four straight months. But life had other plans, and due to some wrong choices and bad luck, I could only manage three treks in the entire year. I went skiing in February(Gulmarg, India) and March(Manali, India), Har ki dun (Uttarakhand, India) trek in March, and Solo Motorbike Ride to North Sikkim(India) in April, took a break in May and in June, I did back to back treks(Buran Ghati Pass Trek-4,550M and Yunam Peak Trek — 6,111M) in Himachal Pradesh(India).

Should I be happy that I did all this alone or be sad that I know I had more in me, yet couldn’t do it? I am not going to lie, there were times I felt anxious and stressed this year because of this. I kept thinking, “I left my job for this, and now I’m not even doing what I love and planned.” But as it turned out, my previous workspace turned out to be shady(they are yet to pay me my salary and have an internal drama going on). So guess I had something positive to take out of leaving my job.

But as all this was happening, time had a way of flying by, and it was August already. I found myself trying something I always wanted to after hearing about it for the first time in 2022 — Vipassana. Ten days of complete silence and no communication with the outside world. It sounds scary, right? But believe me, it was the most underrated part of my year. It was an inward journey to the core of my being. In the stillness of meditation, I found clarity and a sense of achievement that outshone all others

Yet, life, with its twisted sense of humor, led me next to the Andaman Islands, India in September, a decision I initially labeled as another misstep. I agreed to a three-month work exchange at Munjoh Ocean Resort in Havelock Island and felt trapped by my choices. But as fate would have it, this ‘bad decision’ serendipitously led me to Gypsy Divers, where I began my dive master training at the end of October. Beneath the waves, I found a different kind of silence, a tranquility that taught me more about life than I could have imagined.

But as it happens every year, it wasn’t just about the physical journey or what I had done. It was also about the thoughts and questions that came and went as quickly as the waves that I hear right now. The world has shifted from reading or writing blogs to consuming fleeting 15-second Instagram or TikTok videos, and somewhere along this line, we lost the art of soulful conversation. We still ask why people are not genuine. It’s strange, isn’t it? Also, why don’t we have deep, meaningful conversations anymore?

Is it just me that feels this way or does anyone else feel this? I think we all complain about it but never really do anything to change it. After all, they now make for better conversations than the weather. Everyone has an opinion about what is going wrong in the world. Do you have a solution Mr/Mrs. Know it all? Also, Why do we wait for the end of the year to look back and think about all this?

On a personal relationships front, my 2023 was tough. My relationship with my mom took a big hit, and now we barely talk. I was in a relationship or situationship I guess, and then I wasn’t. What the hell is situationship? I know I might be wrong in saying this, but it feels like girls just want to keep a good guy as a backup as they make all the bad choices and then come and say sorry. This makes me wonder if it’s even possible to be with someone at this age. How the hell are all the couples doing it?

I think due to all this, I began to understand the allure of solitude, the simplicity of being responsible for only your own time and emotions. I am a solo traveler and have learned the art of living by myself in the last 6 years. I love it. There are times when it feels bad but is it worse than being in a toxic relationship? Well, I am not sure but I would rather be alone than in a situationship. Amidst all this chaos this year, my sister became my rock. While she lives very very far away and while we might not chat daily, she’s often on my mind. Despite our childhood squabbles, I want her to know I’m always here for her. So I silently wish for her well-being and happiness.

Living in this fast-paced world, I often feel like we’re all just running a race. I understand that my story is not unique. We are all part of a world that rushes by, a society that values scripted lies over messy truths. Social Media is something that adds to this behavior and I’m part of this world too. I want to create beautiful content and share as well, but sometimes I wish I could step back and be a silent observer. Scuba diving is teaching me just that — to relax and watch life unfold its mysteries. I wonder if there’s a way to do that on land as well.

So, here I am, at the end of 2023, or the beginning of 2024, thinking about all these things. This year has taught me a lot. It’s shown me the importance of slowing down, the beauty of silence, and the need for meaningful connections. It’s been a year of self-discovery, of understanding the world a bit better, and most importantly, of realizing that it’s okay to not have everything figured out.

As I get ready to step into the new year, I have no grand resolutions. I just want to take things as they come, learn more, dive deeper, and maybe find a way to have those soulful conversations again. I want to be more present, both for myself and for the people who matter. And who knows, maybe this year, I’ll learn how to just relax and observe life unfolding in its vibrant, chaotic beauty.